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 Speck's story

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speckofwater
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PostSubject: Speck's story   Thu Jun 29, 2017 3:08 pm

In the hospitable land of Eshitar, within the tangles of the trees; there lived a gentle race of people and a distant being known as Aeolix. He was manipulating the sun-light by using transparent symmetry here that could empty the particles and reverse their formula so that a portion of the atmosphere could indeed be formed into something magnificent.
Aeolix reached out his arm and the sunlight was visible in the sky producing a heavenly ray of silver with a surrounding afterglow of gold.


The beam of light traveled slowly through the sky and was hovering above the forest when another beam in the shade of black appeared in the distance on the opposite side. Aeolix had halted the symmetry because the beam started resonating to the beam that was black and had static red particles like the golden glow on the original beam.

"Something terrible has happened, Wurkis," Aeolix said, alerting the feathery green creature that slept in his cave. "Please fly down to the village and notify the people that my symmetry has been altered...By who, I do not know." Wurkis had awoke from a dream about the shrine of Ansel that
was located in the forest, through a faraway path, and past a series of sparkling stones. He was already in a frenzy but had no time to think. He swept out of the cave along with a stream of dust. To the Eshitarians he just looked like a cannonball falling from the sky but they soon realized too that something was wrong when he swung his giant orange wings repeatedly...


Last edited by speckofwater on Sat Jul 08, 2017 8:07 pm; edited 16 times in total
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Mat Mase
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PostSubject: Re: Speck's story   Thu Jun 29, 2017 11:07 pm

Nice looking start already, looking forward to reading more ^-^
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Treemaid
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PostSubject: Re: Speck's story   Fri Jun 30, 2017 7:32 am

What an interesting vision you present there Speck! It has an almost dream-like quality. Keep going! Smile
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speckofwater
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PostSubject: Re: Speck's story   Fri Jun 30, 2017 9:41 am

Thanks a lot you two-that's really nice of you both and encourages me to continue. I'm going to continue for sure. I wrote a little more, I'll do as much as I can. Smile
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Treemaid
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PostSubject: Re: Speck's story   Fri Jun 30, 2017 3:17 pm

I think you have a particular strength in producing visual images with your words. You do so with eloquence and imagination.

I realise too that it's a work in progress and no doubt there is missing information that you intend to write later, but from reading what you've written so far, there are questions and confusions that arise in my mind. I don't know who the 'we' refers to or who the 'I' is or where their cave is and how it all fits together. The part with the 'Aeolix' title - are we to assume that's Aeolix speaking? I wasn't sure.

You perhaps need to build up the whole context of the story to get a framework in place for it, before getting too much into the detailed descriptions of particular events that the reader doesn't yet understand. They can come later once you've got the reader hooked with your world and being able to relate to the main characters which inhabit it. It's good to introduce a bit of mystery into your story with the promise to the reader that all will be revealed in time, but too much right at the start can feel overwhelming and perhaps not many would persevere to see if everything becomes clear later or not.
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speckofwater
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PostSubject: Re: Speck's story   Fri Jun 30, 2017 4:27 pm

Nice feedback. I'll see what I can do to make things more clear and reveal details as needed more than overloading my readers with too much from the start.
But yes. That was to suggest Aeolix would be speaking or it would overall be a part that Aeolix was the main 'vision' of the story. I can see how confusion could arise however. Thanks, tree. That helps a lot, I haven't had very much feedback on my creative writings other than being told I write eloquently or that I'm creative, haha. Which is of course nice too.


Last edited by speckofwater on Fri Jun 30, 2017 4:50 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Treemaid
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PostSubject: Re: Speck's story   Fri Jun 30, 2017 4:47 pm

speckofwater wrote:
Nice feedback. I'll see what I can do to make things more clear and reveal details as needed more than overloading my readers with too much from the start.
But yes. That was to suggest Aeolix would be speaking or it would overall be a part that Aeolix was the main 'vision' of the story. I can see how confusion could arise however.
Thanks, tree. That helps a lot, I haven't had very much feedback on my creative writings other than being told I write eloquently or that I'm creative, haha. Which is of course nice too.

Looking to see how the metaphorical phoenix will emerge from the flames Speck! Smile
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speckofwater
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PostSubject: Re: Speck's story   Fri Jun 30, 2017 4:55 pm

Treemaid wrote:
speckofwater wrote:
Nice feedback. I'll see what I can do to make things more clear and reveal details as needed more than overloading my readers with too much from the start.
But yes. That was to suggest Aeolix would be speaking or it would overall be a part that Aeolix was the main 'vision' of the story. I can see how confusion could arise however.
Thanks, tree. That helps a lot, I haven't had very much feedback on my creative writings other than being told I write eloquently or that I'm creative, haha. Which is of course nice too.

Looking to see how the metaphorical phoenix will emerge from the flames Speck! Smile
Well I was going to just say 'he' and what not, though as you said; Aeolix is meant to be more of a metaphor of sorts. Given the right opportunity I'm sure I can clarify to the point needed and yeah this is mostly some rough-draft ideas. Possibly will start over completely again and well I don't think I ruined the story for you just yet. haha, anyway thanks again Smile I haven't had this much motivation in sometime but I'm going to give it some time.
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speckofwater
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PostSubject: Re: Speck's story   Mon Jul 10, 2017 5:27 am

neverminddd
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